I Am the Foremost

I Am the Foremost.  Necessary though unpleasant, it is a punch in the gut every time I see my resemblance in Paul’s frequent admission that he was the foremost of sinners. He was not being dramatic; he was being honest. Paul’s honesty, however, was not based on his own understanding of self, others, God, and the universe as it had been in his years of pharisaism. It was based on Scripture and the internal witness of the Holy Spirit.

Paul’s honest, post-conversion assessment of his pre-conversion self was brutal. “And I punished them often in all the synagogues and tried to make them blaspheme, and in raging fury against them I persecuted them even to foreign cities” (Acts 26:11). “Last of all, as to one untimely born, he appeared also to me. For I am the least of the apostles, unworthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God” (1 Cor. 15:8-9). “For you have heard of my former life in Judaism, how I persecuted the church of God violently and tried to destroy it” (Gal. 1:13). “I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life” (1 Tim. 1:12-16).

But Paul was also honest about his post-conversion tendency toward the very sins for which he was forgiven. “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing” (Rom. 7:18-19). Taken together, Paul’s awareness of his pre-conversion self and his distrust of his post-conversion self, shows his remarkable freedom from artificially propping up his reputation before men.

Stemming from Jesus’ famous teaching, “For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it” (Mark 8:35), Paul might have made this appropriate application. If I maneuver to cling to my reputation, then I will lose it. But if I lose my reputation maneuvering to cling to Christ, then I will save it.